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- 20 online dating cliches - and what they really mean
- 1. “It’s not who you meet, it’s when you meet.”
- 15 Dating Clichés That May Actually Hold The Secret To Finding Love
- 10 Dating Clichés That Are Definitely Not True Anymore If You’re In Your 30s | Thought Catalog
If a woman dates a ton of bad boys in her early 20s, by the time she hits her late 20s, she will likely be done with bad boys and searching for a nice guy. Many women are turned off by seemingly cheap men. If a woman is dating a man she really likes, she should offer to pay sometimes, too, out of respect for him. That being said, men should probably pick up the tab on a first date, especially if the date was their idea.
Sometimes, not kissing on a first date can ruin your chances with someone. One of the biggest reasons why people lose interest is a lack of chemistry felt on the dates. Sometimes, your gut just tells you there is something different about this person — something special. This one is interesting. Sometimes, you do find someone when you least expect it, like at some boring event, where the last thing you expected was to meet someone.
However, considering how many millions of success stories those dating sites boast, clearly you can find love when you are looking, too. If she has been hurt, she might not fully let him in, thereby damaging her chances of a relationship blossoming with him. The walls she puts up weakens her connection with him. This allowed the two of them to get to know each other, and she probably let him in more than she would have if she was hung up on her past relationship failures.
You could decide to stay with someone with whom you have zero in common because somehow, you were taught that all of his or her conflicting viewpoints balance out yours, and together, you are the perfect couple. This one is true. But for the purposes of this discussion, I don't think that's what really matters. Is there anything wrong with having an absolute rule against dating people of a certain race? When I say it's "racist," I really just mean, "There's something wrong with it. For doubtless fascinating psychological readings, my libido happens to be hardwired to prefer extremely pale people.
If I specify that preference, am I being racist against white-but-not-really people too , or am I just not wasting the damn time of everyone I'm incapable of being sexually attracted to by pretending otherwise? And even if we were to admit that that's racist and presumably sizeism and agism don't matter , presumably we must also admit that expressing a preference to date only women if you happen to be attracted to women is for the same reason sexism, period.
And then there's sexual orientation Well I got to a certain age, where most or all of the men were divorced. And you quickly figure out why. Fall in love and get married when you're young. It doesn't get any easier. Don't put it off. My bro met his wife from the newspaper personal ads. She placed a short ad. She had him at "like classical music and football.
Hey, it's a strategy. We're teaching her daughter that now. Cerebrate, Equating only being attracted to "extremely pale white people" with only being attracted to women seems like a bit of a stretch. The former is, in my opinion, one of two things: The latter is an unavoidable part of your physiology. As far as admitting it, I agree that if you have such a bias, it would be better to let potential partners know in advance.
But I'm not going to tell you that I think that narrowing your range of potential partners based on such a specific and shallow precondition is something I would deem as non-prejudiced. As far as "sizeism" goes, it's pretty well-documented that a lot of people do in fact have a problem with it, so I'm not sure why you're assuming it doesn't matter. Wanting to date someone who's healthy and active makes sense to me, specifying a waist to hip ratio or an exact weight is creepy and, yes, probably equatable to specifying a race.
I've already explained how I feel about "ageism". I've always hated that term when it is applied to stuff like this. It's totally unrelated to issues like size and race. There are plenty of things that change about people when they become older and there is no reason why someone shouldn't rule out partners who are the age of their parents, or vice-versa. Even if you're talking about someone older who wants to date someone much younger, I can see the reasoning and impulse behind that much clearer than I can see a non-discriminatory basis for ruling out a specific race.
To elaborate on why ageism is different to me: When you say you would "never" want to date someone outside of a certain race or size, or height , I believe one of two things or both is going on. Either you genuinely can't imagine yourself ever being sexually or romantically attracted to someone outside of your ideal.
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IMO, this kind of fetishism belies subconscious prejudice. But let's say you're my age 26 and you say you don't want to date someone over One of those same things could be your motivation, in which case, yeah, you're prejudiced against old people. But your motivation could be any number of other things. Maybe you're a man and you want to have children with your partner.go site
20 online dating cliches - and what they really mean
Perhaps you would feel outmatched in life experience and that is too much of an interpersonal difference no, I don't think that different races will inherently or even often have the same level of interpersonal differences that people 25 years apart in age do to overcome.
Or you don't want your partner to likely die 30 years before you do. Or you're afraid with valid reason that your partner will be less able to 'perform' sexually than you are, especially as more time passes. I'm not saying I think people should have an age requirement. I have what I'd call an age preference, but if an incredibly attractive, interesting, and kind man outside of my "standard age range" had come along when I was single, I would have given it a shot.
But I just think there are reasons people who wouldn't consider it have that don't fall under any kind of prejudice. It's truly remarkable how many of these comments are about which preferences and attitudes are acceptable and which ones aren't. No wonder people don't feel safe to reveal anything true or real about themselves in their profiles -- except, of course, the ones who really are nothing but mindless, politically correct conformists Yet more proof that political correctness is a relentless destroyer of everything that is genuinely human -- starting with honesty and freedom.
We know a couple who work for Lockheed-Martin, both engineers. One would think I would be deluged with responses to my ads but no. I think short guys want to date taller women to prove they can do it. I wouldn't rule out tall guys per se, but As a 43 y o woman, married, I cracked up reading this. I have read those stupid postings with girlfriends and yes, they are as cliched as they seem.
I think most people just aren't honest enough to tell the truth about who they are and what they want, mostly out of fear that others will judge them harshly. Crap, ignore the second half of that last comment of mine, or mentally rewrite it with justified ageism in the relevant spot.
FYI, you're free to edit the comment yourself. All you have to do is copy and paste the part you like into a new comment, post the comment, then delete the old comment. Equating only being attracted to "extremely pale white people" I phrased that the way I did for a reason. While white people are more or less implied by the normal ranges of human skin tones, albinos of all races and ethnys could have also applied. Hey, if we're going to go down this road, then I must point out that researchers from Kinsey onwards have pointed out that very few people indeed are pure obligate heterosexuals or pure obligate homosexuals the 'extreme fetishists' of this scenario.
Or, rather, not for the team. As for your reasons for why an age preference is different I can think of reasons for why my preference isn't a prejudice, therefore it's fine. But I can't - because a I'm not them and b my imagination won't stretch to it - think of reasons why their preference isn't a prejudice, and I am predisposed to think of it as one.
Therefore it can't be anything else. This is, of course, itself a prejudice. Missed the deletion button the first few times around, somehow. My comment about age concerns widening your age range and saying that you're open to dating someone 15 or 20 years older or younger, not limiting your range. If you say that you'll date someone of a specific race, so what? Are we to the point of enacting some anti-discrimination measures for social interaction now too?
Freedom of association's such a quaint old-fashioned notion, isn't it? Look, I'm not evoking the law here. I'm not suggesting that people who state a racial preference be burned at the stake. I'm simply saying that I don't see how someone can claim that they don't have a racial bias yes, I am defining 'racism' as having a bias against certain races -- whether you agree with that definition or not is really just semantics and not worth a separate argument and then exclude all races but their own or any specific race from their pool of potential partners.
As I've already stated, having a preference that you are drawn to naturally doesn't bother me, making a rule out of it -- "I would never, ever date a black person" -- is racist. I'm not trying to take away your freedoms, I'm just having an opinion about them.
1. “It’s not who you meet, it’s when you meet.”
I've dated plenty of people from races other than my own and none of them had "completely different" cultures or "life values. You do realize that many people of different races are born in the USA and that schools are no longer segregated, right? You seem to be equating race directly with class or religion, which is, well, racist. Sorry, but it seems contradictory for you to state that people of different races have completely different values than your own and then take me to task for using the term racism. That's not what we're discussing. I'm talking about whether or not having a rule that you will only date within your race indicates a prejudice against other races.
I believe it does. Do you actually disagree, or are you just saying that having a prejudice against certain races is okay? Those are two separate arguments. Since someone implied that my opinion is an assault on "honesty": I don't have any guilt about that, but I would also never consider stating a racial requirement on an online dating profile. Most people have a "type. Doesn't anyone see the difference between a guy who is generally attracted to blonde women, and a guy who would never, ever date a brunette no matter how otherwise attractive or interesting they were? The former is a pretty normal, generic dude; while the latter seems like an oddity with a real prejudice.
Shouldn't the same standard apply to having steadfast rules about race? While I'm thinking about it In addition to not wasting the time of interesting people of your undesired races, you will also be warning people of your own race or 'chosen' race who would prefer not to date someone with such a strong bias. I equate a woman who says she won't date a man who is shorter than her with a woman who says she won't date a guy of a certain race or races or age. None of those choices makes sense to me, but they are her choices to make. The discriminating characteristic cannot be changed, a mature man can't grow taller, get younger or change his skin color.
I don't think that the woman should be lauded for her choice, but it is her choice to make. If you share common interests and enjoy each other's company, then it shouldn't matter what color your skin is, what your ages are or who's taller. Hey- cliche's are boring- but I really don't want to put my autobiography on the web. Frankly if you put anything really funny or edgy on your profile it would probably be misunderstood as "mean".
My current GF was online- her profile was a long list of all the sad commons that guys make- it was hilarious. I thought she would tear me one when I contacted her- but 4 months in- things are good. Of course I'm 6'2"- so maybe she's just dating me for the height. As someone who met a woman over the Internet, married, and divorced, many many thoughts come to mind. I disagree completely with all these comments about it being racist or otherwise prejudiced to specify physical attributes of the person you're looking for. I never specified a race that I was looking for and I don't think I'd care.
But then, in fact I've never dated someone of a different race -- whether because things just never came together or because she wasn't interested in me. If I did, would I find that in fact there are important cultural differences that would present a problem? I think I'd have more in common with, for example, a black girl who grew up in a suburb like me and who has a technical job like me, than I would with a fellow white girl who grew up in a remote rural town and who works in a coal.
Surely there's a big difference between saying, "I want to marry someone who is like myself in this and this and this way because I think that's necessary for us to truly share our lives together," and saying "I hate everyone different from me and think they should all be killed. When you say it's okay to "prefer" a person of a certain race or height or hair color or whatever, but to make it an absolute rule is prejudice In real racism, if I said "I think all Ruritanians are stupid and lazy" that would surely be racist. If instead I said, "I think most Ruritanians are stupid and lazy, but I suppose there might be a few exceptions", would that really be better?
Like, I'd prefer a woman younger than myself. Would I absolutely rule out an older woman? But what could I write in a personal ad? Once you say you have a preference, anyone reading it knows that if they don't meet that preference, either you're making allowances, or some other trait outweighed it. I would think almost any preference someone stated in a personal ad would, in real life, be "negotiable" if the other person was highly desirable to them for some other reason.
Hey, I'll laugh at cliches, too. But in fairness, how creative do you expect someone to be? It's all well and good to make fun of someone for being the ten millionth woman to say "I like romantic evenings. There's a point at which any more creative would simply make it unclear what you're asking for. Oops, in my earlier post, when I said "fellow white girl", I meant, "a girl who is also white like myself", not that I am a girl looking for another girl. That just came out wrong. This post is pretty hilarious because it is all entirely true.
I've looked through match and plentyoffish and haven't found a single interesting profile.
How many of these people really travel and hike? An honest profile would just list all their favorite TV shows and call it complete. The messages I've received are pretty pitiful also. Things like just 'hi' or 'I like your pics'. Only one girl actually initiated a conversation by asking a question. I feel like maybe girls aren't used to the idea of initiating contact, but I'm sure guys are just as bad.
How about the "average" or "athletic" body type? And all her pictures basically head shots, you meet for a date and she looks like John Candy in drag. I, too, have dated, lived with, entertained etc..
15 Dating Clichés That May Actually Hold The Secret To Finding Love
My large and extended family might now be described as the UN Part 2. And people are still nearly as separated by their cultures and life values as ever they once were by force. To get together in any meaningful way means to embrace, adopt, compromise, tolerate or otherwise live with profound differences. Not everyone wants to travel that difficult road.
You're a fool if you deny that truth. The idea that wanting to date someone of your race, or indeed, any specific race, is a heinously racist act, is utterly absurd. This thread has gone a long way to convincing me the term 'racism' is dead, as it has been expanded beyond all reason to encompass essentially anything that makes anyone the least bit uncomfortable. Racism has a pretty strict definition, pertaining to believing one race is better than another or that one's race makes you inferior, or that ones race determines one character or intelligence, etc But this is not at all what is going on in preferences about races in dating sites.
The person is expressing a preference.
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He is saying nothing whatsoever about the value of one race over another, just that he personally, perfers A. Maybe his best friend pefers B and that's fine. Or his sister marries a C and he's fine with that. Expressing a preference for blondes or brunettes doesn't mean you see all people with the 'wrong' haircolor as subhuman or worth less. It's just the way your personal preferences lie. Essentially it seems some of you are trying to do away with personal preferences at all, saying that everyone must find everyone else equally attractive, with no room for individual choice.
Saying "I enjoy this, I do not enjoy that, even though others may" isn't morally questionable or wrong in the slightest.
10 Dating Clichés That Are Definitely Not True Anymore If You’re In Your 30s | Thought Catalog
Even if it was a hard and fast no-exceptions rule, which I would doubt very much it was, it wouldn't be enough to claim the person was racist. That would be like saying someone open only to women was sexist. It's just rather silly. Would it be racist of me to write, in an ad: Any member of a race believing itself to be superior to others need not apply?
Or is that always going to put a certain group at the bottom of the [acceptance] rate so they're never ever going to [get a date? But the question I'm asking isn't whether or not specifying a racial requirement on your personal ad is the same as being a member of the KKK. I just want to know if it belies a racial prejudice, and I'm positing an opinion that it does.
Why would someone think that race would be one of the factors that would dictate whether they could be happy spending their life with someone unless they were racist? I have yet to hear a practical, believable reason why someone would exclude certain races other than stereotypes they have regarding that race or this weird idea that it's perfectly normal and not reflective of a prejudice for someone to feel that they could never ever be sexually attracted to a member of another race.
If you're a white heterosexual male and you don't find Halle Berry attractive, there's something wrong with your perception of beauty -- and it's probably prejudice! That last bit was a joke. Saying that you tend to be attracted to people who have a, b, and c is different from saying that you will only ever date people who have a, b, and c.
The first category indicates that, like everyone else on the planet, there are things you tend to like more than others. The latter indicates that you have a real problem with people that don't have those qualities -- you consider them "undateable," no matter how many other good qualities they possess.
How equivocating do you want somebody to be? To me, if your preference is negotiable, I don't understand why you would state it as a rule in a personals ad. I don't see why you need to make it an issue at all unless the idea of dating someone outside of your race is really unfathomable to you, and being contacted by attractive, interested women of other races would be a waste of your time and theirs. And, like explained above, I don't see why you would feel that way unless you a. Why are you talking about people of different races like they're all from different countries?
I could not disagree more that two people of different races are automatically "profoundly different" when it comes to their "culture" or "life values. I can't think of any real difference in our values that stems from race. Both of us were minorities in our elementary schools. Both of us had dads that worked and moms that didn't. Both of us had older brothers. Both of us liked baseball when we were little. He was a cub scout, I was a brownie. He visited his extended family in Guatemala and I visited mine in Tennessee.
I really, honestly don't see how our racial difference has much bearing on our relationship at all other than that older people of a certain type look at us funny and older people of a certain other type think we're "cute. Just like there are sometimes profound cultural and values differences between people of the same race. I just very strongly disagree that race and 'culture and values' can always be correlated, and I think that's an outdated viewpoint. Maybe if everyone shared this idea that it's perfectly normal and acceptable to never want to date outside your own race this would be a truer notion, but that hasn't been the case in a long time.
I didn't use the word heinous. I defined racism as I was using it in this discussion as meaning 'indicative of a bias against certain races'. You can disagree with that definition if you want but that's really not the point. If you were a single heterosexual, attractive, interesting brunette woman and you were interested in a single heterosexual man and he told you that the sole reason he wasn't interested in you was because of the color of your hair, you wouldn't feel slighted in the least?
You wouldn't feel like he was saying that blonde women were better than you? You wouldn't call him an asshole later when talking about him? That is not even close to what I am saying. Obviously you're going to find some individuals more attractive than others, for any number of reasons. Nothing wrong with that. I have a problem with people pretending that their preferences are arbitrary and just handed down to them from la-la land.
You have preferences for a reason, particularly one so strong that you would feel the need to identify it in a personals ad -- like preferring non-smokers because you find cigarette smoke incredibly unsexy and it makes you cough, or preferring someone religious because you couldn't relate to an atheist and you want to raise your children with God. And I have yet to hear a single reasonable, normal, non-prejudiced reason why someone would only want to date people of a specific race.
Why would you doubt that it was? If someone goes to the trouble to state in their profile "I am only interested in white people," they don't really mean it? I feel like this discussion has reached a point where mostly I'm just repeating myself and you guys are repeating differently worded versions of the same argument. One thing I do want to make clear is that I'm not identifying anyone who has a rule excluding certain races from their dating pool as a "heinous" bigot who should be shunned from society.
I think everyone has certain racial biases and expresses them in various ways. I just think that this is a prime example of that, and maybe something that people should think about the real reasons behind. Anonymous, the world is not homogenous, and the mixing of races or cultures is fraught with difficulty and with compromises people may not wish to make. The "mixing" of races is not inherently "fraught with difficulty" any more and if you really think it is, we're never going to agree. I'm about as white as white gets -- of Scottish and German descent, born in a small town in Arkansas to parents who grew up in segregated southern towns -- and three of my four 'serious' relationships have been with hispanic men and never -- never -- has race been any kind of issue in my relationship.
We could have a real discussion of so-called "reverse racism" and I'm sure I would piss a lot of people off because I don't give the concept a lot of merit in any contextl, but claiming that white people have never been the primary oppressors of other races in America is equatable denying that the holocaust happened.
The problem with the popular narrative along those lines is that any attempt to make one race the bad guys involves carefully limiting the picture and cherry-picking places and times to avoid inconvenient bits. White guys owned black slaves in the American South, for example. Which were sold to them by other black guys in Africa, who were happy enough to do it. Meanwhile, white guys in the British Royal Navy made an end of the slave trade. Black and white people worked together in the Civil Rights movement. This is a much more complex tangle than said popular narrative allows for, and I'm confining myself to a narrow chunk of space and time.
If you actually look at history from a really broad perspective, what you will find is that up until very recently, people of every race and ethny have enslaved, murdered, pillaged, and looted people of every other race and ethny, pretty much every time they thought they could get away with it.
I defy anyone to look at the broad sweep history and come up with any conclusion other than "Humans, in general, are utter bastards. Personally, I don't think morality depends on competence, and thus decline to apologize just because my ancestors sucked less at being bastards than some other guys who would have done exactly the same thing if they'd invented the Maxim gun first. It could equally well simply mean that equivalently racist members of other races didn't have the numbers or leverage to translate the same amount of racism into action as effectively.
I realloy enjoyed reading this blog up to a point. All of the cliches mentioned apply to the profiles I read about men as well. If I have to read how one more guy wants a women who will jump on the back of his Harley and ride through the countryside Well you know the rest. The part where I found it uncomfortable was the debate on racism. Racism stems from hate. Whereas having a preference for a tall man, a petite woman, red hair, full lips, long nails, or a passion for baseball is just a preference providing a little or maybe a lot of insight into the person's attractions.
Having a rule against not dating someone who does not have one of the stated preferences leaves the seeker with fewer choices, fewer dates, and ultimately dealing with the consequences of their decision. It is more a reflection on the condition of their heart than anything else. I do not consider it racism. I had several stated preferences in my profile only to reflect what I know attracted me to someone - in the past.
But I would welcome a date with any man once and ask my heart to be open to whatever came of it. Sometimes it worked, and sometimes it was a big waste of time for two people now not just me. Being 5'11" I CAN eyeball a man who is 6 feet in height, and I too feel more feminine around a man who is considerably taller than that.
It isn't wrong, am I don't hate people who don't posses the preference I mentioned. For me, the benefit of online dating is to support effective use of our time. In order to make the application more effective requires we provide information so people can make better choices. Is there anyone else who would like to return to discussing the positives and negatives of online dating profiles? I never thought we'd meet.
But since we have, I'd like to say that this little jibe of yours really really cracked me up. Read some bloody history, why don't you. It's fairly easy to ignore requests to exchange messages on these sites, right? Narrowing your focus in your description is only going to drive away people who you might like that otherwise would have contacted you. Isn't the point of the dating site profile, in a sense, to market yourself to other people?
I don't think it hurts to specify the types of things that you might like in another person, but to require certain things just limits your chances of finding someone you'll really like for all their other traits. Women these days use so many specific's on their profiles that they think it's attractive but actually it's such a turn off and makes women look so unattractive. Like the 10 stating their specific height requirement and being so dead set on that requirement. Saying you will only go for men that are 6 feet tall and not budging.
No wonder so many women are single because they set way way way to many specifics that it actually turns men off and make you look like your just too much work. It's just not reality and I think women get this perception from television and their magazines. Like women want their men to be open to possibilities and men want their women to be as open this list and women's profiles just shows how many women are so closed minded and shallow!! Regarding Janis's comment in your commment you put in "In order to make the application more effective requires we provide information so people can make better choices.
Dating is to be fun not a JOB!! Application is a bad bad choice word and will turn anyone off. Applications is for applying for jobs not applying for a date. Men and Women don't "apply" for dates we chat, get to know one another and go out. The word application should never EVER should be used in any way shape or form for dating, online dating etc.. Having a standout personal add will likely give online daters avalanche of responses and I agree if an online dater want his or her dating a success he or she must avoid using cliche or worn out descriptions.
Thanks for sharing this helpful tips. I'm disabling further comments on this post so that I don't have to keep deleting spam.
If you'd like to post a comment, please email me and I'll temporarily enable comments. My email is listed in the sidebar under "About Me. Monday, June 1, 17 online dating profile cliches that women should avoid. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator. June 01, John Althouse Cohen said June 01, Meade said June 01, Richard Lawrence Cohen said June 01, LemmusLemmus said June 01, Jason the commenter said